Tuesday, November 20

In a Pit... Trying to escape but cant...HELP!!!!!!

Hello, readers! How are you today? Things are not so good for this country girl in the big city. I have been in the fourth largest city in the United States (or so I am told) for almost a week and a half now. While I was hopeful yet unwilling to come to Houston and depressed to be leaving my blooming life in Alabama, my mood is a lot worse now. I am not so hopeful anymore. I want to go back to Alabama, and my depression has deepened to a point where I want to give up on just about everything, including my new exercise program and weight loss journey. Lets just face it, ya'll. I may never be a size 2 and come to think of it, I really don't want to be that small and look like a twig because that's not healthy. So people that think that a size 2 woman has the perfect body (and yes that includes my idiot ex husband if he is reading this) can hit the road because I am not changing for anyone. If I do any changing, it will be for me. Why should I try to change for anyone else? And that goes for every part of my body. Truth is, I don't care if I ever get married again. Every relationship I have had has just ended in heartbreak, even the bad ones that I was relieved to be out of. If the Lord is willing to send me someone one day, he will. For now I am going to focus on straightening my life out and serving God however I can. That includes every aspect of my life, including mental. As you can read from this post, I am suffering from depression and its getting to a point where I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. But I force myself to. Why? There has to be something driving me. Maybe its the prospect of one day being able to have custody back of my child. Maybe its also the encouraging words from my friends and family. Just last night, my good friend from Alabama texted me and asked me how I was doing. When I told him about the depression that I am experiencing, he replied, "Cheer up, girl. You can pull through whatever you are dealing with in a positive manner. You are strong. Write some poems  or songs. The psalmist David did when he felt sad. You got this." At the time, everything seemed so dismal. Nothing seemed to be working to get me out of the pit. But going back over that text just now, made me realize just how right Jeff was. Just hearing such kind, and encouraging words from such a good friend brightened my mood just a little. Then I started writing down my thoughts. It may not be a poem or a song but it works to vent off some of this tension. It makes me realize that I can cope. I may not be able to get out of this pit in my soul right this minute, but just venting gives me a little more hope than I had before. How was it that Jeff knew when to text me to check up on me? Maybe God set my name upon his heart and mind and something inside of him said "Why don't you check on her? Text just to say hi." God, if that was you working on Jeff's heart, thank you for giving me such an amazing friend. And Jeff, if you're reading this, thank you for those kind, encouraging words. It was really sweet of you to think of me. You are an amazing person that I feel so blessed to have as a friend and have the opportunity of knowing. Like I said, I may not be able to get out of this pit right away, but at least I have a little more hope now than I did at the beginning of this blog entry. May God bless all you fine folks reading this. Until next time, show the world the warmth of your smile. Stay tuned for more from the fourth largest city in the USA. Much love, Me